A Compendium of Bizarre, Idiotic and Lurid News from the Past (Series 2) #FamilyLife

Doomed Cannibals Ate AIDS Victim:

A Brunei, Borneo, cannibal tribe may be doomed after feasting on a scientist infected with AIDS. Gerard Voisard, 28 of Geneva, Switzerland, had been diagnosed as having AIDS-Related Complex before he entered the country; and his journal revealed that the disease had fully matured. “This is a tragedy beyond measure,” says Ian Brinsdon, a Brunei Health Official. “Our government has spent a fortune trying to preserve and protect the primitive people of our jungle. Now, in one swift and cruel stroke, an entire tribe has been doomed to extinction. It’s only a matter of time before they all have AIDS.” Although the government is currently trying to persuade the tribesmen to undergo testing for the disease. “The outcome of these negotiations is still in limbo,” adds Brinsdon. “The cannibals are wary of outsiders to begin with. And they have absolutely no conception of the seriousness of AIDS.” (Weekly World News – submitted by C. Kaplan, New York, N.Y.)

Comment: Let’s hope there’s no bad blood…


She Gives a Real Jolt:

A London woman claims her body is flowing with so much electricity that she burns out household appliances with the slightest touch. According to the British Sun, the woman estimates she’s caused about $13,000 worth of damage to irons, toasters, washers, and dryers, televisions, radios, VCR’s, and “at least 250 light bulbs.” She lost her job at a dry cleaner “because I was making the tills (cash registers) go haywire.” Although she says she’s suffered from the peculiarity since childhood, it became worse in 1982. Doctors believe it may be caused by stress, but she doesn’t feel tense: “I’m noisy, sense-of-humor kind of person.” (Charlotte Observer – submitted by David S. Bauguess, Taylorsville, N.C.)

Comment: A real live wire.


South Ravaged By Werewolves:

Werewolves are currently running wild down South, according to Dr. Stephen Kaplan, Director of the Werewolf Research Center. “We’re seeing the biggest rise in werewolfism since Sherman’s march on Atlanta, “ he explains. “There may soon be fur flying in the heart of Dixie. I see a showdown like the O.K. Corral brewing. “Kaplan feels that the creatures prefer the South because of its warm climate and its growing number of Satanic Cults. He says that rural werewolves prey in packs on hitchhikers, tourists, and children, while their urban counterparts are solitary hunters who prefer the elderly and customers in single bars. Research for Kaplan’s first ever worldwide werewolf census has shown increasing numbers of them in Texas, Louisiana, Alabama, Georgia, North Carolina, and Florida. As their origin, “Centuries ago, yetis may have kidnapped and raped some of America’s pioneer women,” Kaplan believes. “The offspring were werewolves, less hairy, shorter.” (National Examiner).

Comment: That’s why, movies nowadays have vampire-werewolves themes…


Factory Worker Thinks He Died and Gone to Hell:

An English metal-foundry worker became convinced that he was in hell, and killed his foreman, who he thought was the devil. “In the last few days he’d been acting strangely, doesn’t know if thereberserk, screaming about being in “the pits of the eternal fire” and saying he was going to kill Satan.” The 45-year old man chased his supervisor around the factory and killed him with a sledgehammer. According to a police spokesman, “It gets very hot in there…He pictured his supervisor as being the devil leading the doomed off to eternal punishment.” After his arrest, he was examined by psychiatrists who suspect that his religious fervor, combined with the heat, caused his delusions, and that he may well be schizophrenic. (Sun – submitted by David Johnson, Ponca City, Oklahoma).

Comment: Like Harry Truman used to say, if you can’t withstand the heat…