A Compendium of Bizarre, Idiotic and Lurid News from the Past (Series 1) #FamilyLife

Colonel Qaddafi Hooked On three Stooges:

According to a former friend of the Libyan dictator, Muammar Qaddafi is still so infuriated over the United States’ bombing of Tripoli that he prefers to remain in his tent and watch old Three Stooges movies. “He just sits there, watching his Stooges videotapes and pouting like a spoiled child,” says Ali Adjina, who has defected to France. “He used to idolize world leaders and men of war like Napoleon and Alexander the Great. Now he looks up to nobody but Larry, Moe, and Curly!” After a friend gave Qaddafi three racing camels in an effort to cheer him up, the colonel had them killed and stuffed, then placed them outside his tent with signs around their necks bearing the names of the Stooges. “The colonel has gone off the deep end before, but I’m afraid this time he’s gone for good.” states Adjina. “The other day he started laughing to himself in that idiotic way the fat Stooge does….I tried to tell him it wasn’t right for a man of his stature to spend all day watching the Three Stooges – and that’s why I’m not living in Libya anymore.” (Weekly World News – submitted by George Edwards, Rosedale, N.Y.)

Comment: At least Qaddafi isn’t into astrology and who knows where he is right now…


Walking Catfish Eats Farmer:

A huge walking catfish in China’s Yunnan province consumed a farmer and injured his wife and eight children. Although officials believe that 41-year old Chen Xieping beat his family and fled, his neighbors swear they saw the 13-feet long, two-ton “River Dragon,” says Chen’s wife Li. “We were sitting for our evening rice when we heard a shrieking noise from the river. Chen ran outdoors to investigate. The noise grew louder and we could hear Chen shouting for help. “She heard her husband pounding on the door, and opened it to find him being swallowed by the enormous fish. Local farmers says it swung Chen against his hut, bringing it down upon his family, then walked back to the river with Chen’s feet protruding from his mouth. “I could hear Chen screaming for help, begging for someone to come and release him,“ recalls one neighbor. “My heart goes out to Chen’s family. They have lost a true hero of the people. I would never have dared fight the River Dragon…It is a demon sent from hell to punish us.” (National Examiner)

Comment: Good to eat…for farmers…


Attention Nancy Reagan:

Fortune-teller Erma Valen is able to predict the future by reading letters in alphabet soup. Proficient at reading tea leaves for 30 years, she knew nothing of her abilities with soup until the day she decided to cook some for her nephew. “I felt like having soup and remember sitting there stirring it,” says Erma. “Suddenly, this strange, cold feeling for my friend, who was to leave on a bus trip, came over me. When I looked down in the bowl, I saw the letters D-E-A-T-H spelled out on my spoon. It was undoubtedly meant for my friend.” Erma warned the woman, who decidedly not to take the trip, and thereby saved her life - the bus collided with a truck later that day, killing several people. Erma also told her sister not to be concerned over her problems with money after seeing the word gold in her bowl. Sure enough, her brother-in-law’s salary was nearly doubled when he was hired by another company. “It’s a combination of my own abilities and destiny,” Erma explains. (Sun)

Comment: She’s got it down to the letter.


Washed-up Rock Group Makes Waves:

Atlantis, the world’s first underwater rock band, had its premier gig at the Los Angeles Swim Stadium near the L.A. Coliseum. The group played with waterproof instruments, breathing apparatus, and shock resistant cables while their fans looked on from behind a Plexiglass partition. “They were a real gas,” one comments.” “Bubbly,” I guess, was the word for them. I especially liked their “Sea Cruise,” “Rock Lobster,” and “Wet Rap” songs. In fact, I can hardly wait for their LP, Moray Eel, to come out.” Although they made a splash, leader Jim Mouth doesn’t know if there will be future performances: “The rest of the group want to escape rock n’ roll depths and go on to greater heights…We could play as we parachute down to earth.” News Extra).

Comment: They could always join the Velvet Underground.