Why Not Make Your Fortune the Easy Way? #FamilyLife

It isn’t easy to make a fortune the old-fashioned way, no matter what you’ve heard. It means learning a trade, then slogging your way up the corporate ladder from mailroom to first broom to vice president, and so on. Nor is it any easier getting a bright idea and starting a business. Bright ideas by themselves are worth nothing.

Even if the idea is brilliant – like making small cars with giant rubber bumpers to reduce the danger and severity of accidents on the freeways – it is a long road between conception and making a fortune.

So, why not make your fortune the easy way, by osmosis? No having to develop real estate, or drill for oil, or trade options – all those things you don’t have the foggiest notion about. All you have to do is sidle up to a proper billionaire, and “presto transfuso” you will make a fortune by osmosis.

Here’s how:

1) Selecting the Target: Identifying your target billionaire is the first order of business. This is complicated by the fact that many millionaires are protected by phalanxes of secretaries and yes-men who guard them with their lives. You will have to get your billionaire on the outside, either when he leaves the office or when he is on vacation. There he is now. He is the little gentleman sitting in the back of the stretch limousine talking through a speakerphone to his driver, Simeon. He is telling Simeon that he wants to stop for a moment at a particular shop. It is now that you have to strike.

2) Positioning Yourself to Osmosis: The billionaire instructs Simeon to pull up in front of the boutique displaying the purple pongee polo outfit. You must move quickly. As soon as his car slows, you begin strolling in the direction of the boutique. As the billionaire walks up to the window, you move in close, right next to him. You can feel the heat from his cashmere hand-tailored jacket and the warmth from his Caribbean tan. He’s the genuine article alright, maybe $100,000 or $500,000 million. A big one. He’ll never miss a small fortune. Even his accountants won’t notice anything awry for a month or so. Gently, ever so gently, you bring your arm in contact with his. Not so he thinks you are strange or fruity, but just as if you are another interested party, a man of similar tastes and breeding who is also into purple polo outfits. There, you can feel it now, the sudden surge of power as hundreds of thousands of dollars course between the billionaire and yourself. It is a heady experience, and for a moment, you may feel flushed, as if you have earned it all yourself. Not to worry. You have not. You are still the same person you were, only richer as the moments go by.

When you think you have reached your goal – in this case a modest to large fortune – disengage from the billionaire just as smoothly and discreetly as you began, and move toward the curb. You will find a car and driver waiting for you. Your own car. Not as large or fine as the billionaire’s – maybe it’s a Mercedes and he has a Rolls – but a car and driver nevertheless, befitting your new station in life. Get in and say “Home Mike.” Perhaps when you run your stake into tens of billions, you can have a driver named Barcroft; but for now, it’s Mike.

In the second instance, you spot your billionaire while he is on vacation. Though your accommodations may be quite different – he has a penthouse suite, you have a modest single overlooking the parking lot – there are places at the Caribana you have in common. The Rendezvous bar, for example – the one by the pool with thatched roof and the fantastic pina coladas. It is five in the afternoon, and the billionaire has left his yacht and is sitting at the bar with his two well-groomed blondes in attendance. Fortunately, the blondes are both parked to his left. You take the seat to his right and order a yellow bird. His ears perk up at the mention, and he wonders what a yellow bird is. When the drink arrives, the billionaire looks up.
“Excuse me,” he says, “but what is a yellow bird?”

“Try it,” you say. “It’s pineapple juice and 12 different kinds of exotic rums.”

You proffer your drink, as if to say, “Here, taste. Don’t be frightened.” Skeptical at first, the billionaire finally succumbs to his curiosity and reaches for the drink. It is at this moment that osmosis takes over. As the billionaire’s lips touch the glass and he drains some golden liquid from it, large blocks of stock from both the New York and American exchanges somehow are transferred to the glass and find their way to your account. They are not even on margin.

When you return home, you will be greeted with new respect by your broker. But for now, it will suffice that your room has been changed to ocean-view 12, and that an attractive brunette at the end of the bar is batting her eyes at you.

Making a fortune through osmosis is as easy as that. And now that you have the hang of it, you can meet billionaires and millionaires on vacation, in fancy restaurants, and at the club. In fact, that is why most people on their way up join clubs – so they can sidle up to other billionaires and continue to augment their fortunes. It is the American way? Or, a worldwide phenomena? I suppose.